Motivation Monday… Five Ways To Combat Your Triggers

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Let’s talk about our friend circles. Maybe you made the basketball team or cheer squad but your friend you tried out with didn’t make it. Or, you and your bestie like the same boy and he chooses you and not her. Instead of them being happy for you, they “turn” against you…or turn others against you. Does this sound familiar?

Insecurity, unhealthy competition, and jealousy can be triggers that cause us to hurt each other rather than celebrate when something good happens to those in our friend circles. What may have once been a healthy friendship can turn into a toxic one.

Now, let’s talk about you…how are you treating your friends when things may go their way, and not yours? How can you stop from hurting those you may be jealous of or feel insecure around?

First, you need to identify your triggers…what things cause you to want to dull someone else’ sparkle? If you are honest with yourself and can recognize what that is, you will be more likely to stop before your start.

Second, replace your negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Don’t focus on what you are not good but what you know you are good at. Your friend might have made the cheer squad and you didn’t, but wait until track season because you can out-run everyone, including the boys!

Third, wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you start to feel yourself triggered, “snap” yourself out of it. It will break your train of thought and help you learn to turn off that trigger.

Four, keep a journal. If you are feeling jealous of a friend…instead of acting on it or reacting to it, write it out before you go to bed that night. A journal is a safe space you can go to write out all your feelings and even share all the ugly you may have wanted to do. Getting it out on paper for you to see and feel instead of for others to notice and experience will work to our advantage.

Five, do something for yourself. Paint your nails, give yourself a facial, take a bath with a lot of candles, buy a pint of your favorite ice cream… If you doing something that makes you feel good, you will be less likely to want to make someone else feel bad.

The struggle to overcome our triggers is real. But we can conquer them if we are pro-active and put in the hard work.

You’ve got this!

 

New Year, New You!

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2019 marks the beginning of a new year. A new year means you can wipe the slate clean and start fresh. For many, it gives permission for a do-over or second chance. I think that’s why so many people make new year resolutions. I’ve made New Year resolutions in the past and really tried to make them stick, but to no avail. I end up frustrated and feeling like a failure, so I just quit. Last year I stumbled on an article about mantras. I was quite fascinated with the article. The basic premise was, instead of coming up with a list of resolutions, create for yourself a “mantra” or slogan you will use to speak over every aspect of your life for this new year. It’s not specific to just one thing so it’s FAIL proof! And, like the power of words, if you say them enough, you will start to believe them.

I tossed my resolutions, choosing instead to become resolute in creating a mantra for myself. My mantras for 2018 were:

“I Speak To My Mountains” I chose this as a mantra because there were BIG things I wanted to accomplish, BIG things I needed to do, and BIG ways I needed to act. Some were really exciting but many required me to step out in faith and start the tough climb UP my mountains.

My second mantra was:

“I Feel the Fear And Move Anyways.”

Fear has a way of destroying great opportunities and possibilities if we let them get in the way. Insecurity can give way to fear. It would be easier if I did nothing and stood in the shadow of my fears, I’m quite good at it! Last year, I named those fears, faced (most) of them and moved anyways.

Looking back on 2018, I can say creating mantras were a great way for me to work on me! If I gave into fear or tried to skirt around a mountain, I put on my big girl panties and tried again. I never felt like I failed. As I faced 2019, I chose to continue with these two mantras because I know I’m possibly facing some BIG mountains and I need to continue to work through fear. But I did decide to add a word this year along with my mantras. My word for 2019 is INTENTIONAL.

Intentional is how I’m going to work on being the best version of myself I can be. I want to be more intentional with how I spend my time, invest in others, intentional with the words I speak, intentional how I respond to hard things, intentional with how I celebrate good things, intentional with my work with girls, intentional how I continue to develop programs on bullying, intentional, intentional, intentional. 

As we start 2019, I just want to challenge you to find how you can be even better than you were in 2018. You see, we are going to be less likely to mistreat each other  if we are holding ourselves accountable. If we are feeling good about who we are, we will feel less likely to make someone else feel bad about who they are. 

Here’s to wishing you an AMAZING 2019 friends!

Shaylene

National Bullying Prevention Month

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National Bullying Prevention Month Calendar

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Although our mission is usually around awareness on relational aggression and empowering and encouraging girls, we stand along side and with other anti-bully organizations. One of them is Stomp Out Bullying. They have created a calendar of events for the month of October around bullying awareness. Check out this amazing organization and what you can do to help Stomp Out Bullying.